The Solsaece Series 2/4: Helen, Mom

(THE SOLSAECE SERIES 2/4: Helen, Mom)

Down Syndrome - How can two words hold the power to cause so much unnecessary devastation? I chose not to have any prenatal testing with “Solsae,” however, when the pediatrician came into the room shortly after Solsae's birth to tell us she suspected the diagnosis, I was completely unprepared. 

I don't remember what she said. All I recall is her awkward demeanor, the solemnity of her tone and those two words: Down Syndrome. I was blindsided, devastated, lost in obsolete stereotypes and petrified of the future, worried that I would never have a meaningful relationship with my daughter. There was not one person who could tell me it would be ok.

For months I cried constantly, simply going through the motions of caring for Solsae. But those two words and my interpretation of them had robbed me of my ability to bond with her. We had no local Down Syndrome groups to turn to for support and therefore, no one to replace those outdated stereotypes with positivity. I couldn’t comprehend how I could possibly move forward.

Nevertheless, after what felt like forever, Solsae smiled. I felt a significant tug at my heart. I found Facebook groups of kids with Down syndrome and there was a realization that maybe this wasn't as frightening as I had thought. A light was began to shine at the end of the dark tunnel I felt trapped in for so long.  

The older Solsae got, the brighter that light shone. My daughter healed my broken heart by showing me she is so much more than her diagnosis. She is achieving all of the milestones, it just takes her a little longer. Solsae surprises us every day with new things she CAN do.

But more important than any of this, is the happiness she brings. Solsae wakes up with a smile on her face, and exhibits a pure and unfiltered joy for life. She lives the moment in the way that we all wish we could. I truly believe this is the magic contained in that additional chromosome. It brings a sparkle to our lives and makes all of us better people. We couldn't imagine our world without Solsae and that amazing extra chromosome.

If only I could have seen her now, back when I first heard those two words, it would have taken all my worries away!