The Joey Series 2/5: Melissa/Mom)

(THE JOEY SERIES 2/5: Melissa/Mom)

“When you see past the diagnosis”. When we got our diagnosis I’d heard “hope for the best but don’t get your hopes up.” so many times this phrase confused me. Her diagnosis had already made such an impact, how would I see past a part of who she was? Would I love her less if I didn’t love that part of her? Am I supposed to see past it? When Joey was born I didn’t connect with her instantly the way I’d hoped I would, I didn’t see past her diagnosis. I felt like in some way I had failed her. Like, I was going to let her down because I wasn’t enough for her. Not because she had a DS but because I didn't have what she needed. One night, sitting alone in the quiet, she saw ME, her mama. Every ache in my bones and longing in my heart for our relationship to click just as it had with her father and siblings was silenced. She stared deep in my eyes and slowly drifted to sleep, never looking away, with absolute love, trust and certainty she was where she was always meant to be. Her diagnosis is there but her diagnosis is another part of her to love the same as I love her deep blue eyes and little button nose, it doesn’t stop me from being hers, it doesn't limit her magic or dull her spark. She’s gonna conquer her world, she’s strong, determined and she has a story to tell and I get to help her tell it. She’s taught me to give myself grace and to be brave and even if it’s too much, it’s okay to take breaks to breathe. We’ll get there as long as we get to go together.

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